Let Me Sleep - UNLESS
by RedAlert98
Summary: Wally - I did not go to bed until 4:30 am, DO NOT WAKE ME UP UNLESS...Dick provides Wally a list of the only reasonable excuses to wake him up this morning. Funny, Rated T for Safety, Friendship,
It was an annoying feeling. Something was on his face. Wally realized this in his half asleep half awake stupor, so it took him a moment to process this fact.

Wait - he had fallen asleep first in Dick's room, and _something was on his face_

This jolted him awake like a rush of electricity, and he swatted at whatever the object was; tarantula? Shaving cream? Teletubby?! He should have known better than to be the first one to fall asleep while The Master of the Aster (Master of Disaster, in Wally's opinion) was present...heck his hair could be a green mohawk right now.

Hang on, something was duct taped to his forehead...seriously? What, probably a sign that said 'Kiss Me I'm Irish'? Wouldn't be the first time.

With a grimace, he ripped it off quickly as one does with a bandaid. It was a...list. Wow, a long list. Was he really expected to read all of that?

Rubbing his forehead with one hand, he took in his surroundings. Dick was on his side of the bed, curled up under the covers with only his dark, messy hair visible at the top. The alarm clock said it was 10:31 am. No wonder it was so bright.

It was too early for this.

Looking at the list again, he rubbed at his eyes then began reading Dick's small, neat scrawl:

...

 _Wally -_

 _I did not go to bed until 4:30 am, DO NOT WAKE ME UP UNLESS:_

 _I am on fire_

 _You are on fire_

 _The house is on fire_

 _Anything to do with fire_

 _Or a flood_

 _Your mom calls and demands you come home cause you're in trouuuublllllee_

 _Your mom calls cause you're in trouble and she mentions me_

 _Adele is at the door_

 _Jennifer Lawrence is at the door_

 _Emma Watson is at the door_

 _Roy is at the door_

 _A portal to another dimension appears_

 _The paparazzi has breached our defenses and entered the house_

 _You suspect Alfred has been replaced by a robot_

 _You suspect you've been replaced by a robot_

 _They announce another Harry Potter book_

 _You've cracked the Da Vinci code_

 _You feel the earth move under your feet, you feel the sky come tumbling down (that's a song, idiot)_

 _You get delusions of grandeur and need me to deflate your ego_

 _You are about to be kidnapped_

 _More importantly, I am about to be kidnapped_

 _You break something valuable and we have to find a fake replacement for it fast_

 _We have been turned into cats (again)_

 _You accidentally activate an exploding bat/birdarang_

 _My school calls and I have to impersonate Bruce to get out of trouble_

 _You injure yourself_

 _You are about to injure yourself_

 _You are about to injure both of us_

 _Bruce is standing in the doorway glaring at you and saying nothing_

 _We are being abducted by aliens (but if its MM and supes it's fine)_

 _We accidentally time travelled_

 _You finally realize you are adopted and need moral support_

 _I develop superpowers in my sleep_

 _You about to do something stupid and get us both in trouble_

 _You have the fifty bucks you owe me_

 _You are having a mid life crisis_

 _You want to admit the massive crush you have on me_

 _There is some perv stalking us cause we're just that sexy_

 _Bruce buys me an elephant_

 _Or a dragon_

 _Preferably both_

 _There is a bee in the room_

 _They release the trailer for the next star wars movie_

 _There is pizza_

 _You decide to legally change your name to Waldo_

 _You decide to get a sex change_

 _Supernatural Season 13 is announced_

 _You step on a Lego and yell in agony_

 _There is an owl in the house again_

 _There is a spider - like, anywhere_

 _Slender man is trying to seduce you_

 _You have a psychotic break and try to murder me_

 _You are dying_

 _You are going to die_

 _You have gone blind and want cereal_

 _You're getting married_

 _Your name is actually Mary, you're on the ceiling, and things are getting heated_

 _We are invaded by an angry mob of bananas - AKA, When Potassium Attacks_

 _We are going to Disney land or world_

 _You find a tattoo you didn't have when you went to sleep last night_

 _Your mom finds your fake ID and I'm found guilty by association and or collaboration_

 _You hear mysterious footsteps on the stairs and nobody's there (get the salt)_

 _The wifi is down_

 _You find the dead body in the closet_

 _Your grandmother's cat has followed you here and is plotting your ultimate demise in the shadows_

 _I will rip your arms off and beat you with them if you wake me up for any reason besides these._

 _Don't just sit around bored watching me sleep. That's weird dude._

 _If you even THINK about drawing on my face with a sharpie, you'll regret it_

 _And Stay out of my stuff._

...

Wally stared at the list for at least a solid minute after reading it. He then gave his sleeping friend a long look, and thought hard about his choice of best friend.

Eh, pretty darn good choice.

Half an hour later when Dick woke up with a tired groan, he glanced across the room at Wally with squinty, sleepy eyes.

"You have a lot of glitter," Wally commented in a bored tone. He looked up from the box of stuff he was rummaging through.

"Dude, get out of my stuff!" Dick exclaimed in a scratchy voice, throwing a pillow at him.

"Why did you stay up till 4:30?"

"Why are you going through my stuff?"

"Why do you have so much glitter?"

"Why does it even matter?"

"...Is there really a dead body in your closet?"

* * *

Shoutout to Anriela! Booyah, glad you've been getting a laugh from these things :)

Well this was fun. I think one of my favorite fics so far.

I am so behind in my stories, I've got a million updates to do. I'm drowwwwwwning ahhhh I need a lifeguard


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